Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I wanna rock right now, I'm miguel and I came to get down. I'm not internationally known, but I'm known to rock the microphone because I get stupid, I mean outrageous. Stay away from me if you're contagious. - Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock "It Takes Two"

Cause I'm the winner, no, I'm not the loser, to be an M.C. is what I choose 'a
Ladies love me, girls adore me. I mean even the ones who never saw me 
like the way that I rhyme at a show.  The reason why, man, I don't know.  So let's go, 'cause...

THE BLOG WHERE IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT OUTTA SIGHT

What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's barely up, and that's your not so humble narrator miguel jose.  Man i am BEAT!  i work Sunday's now at my new job so by Tuesday i'm already 3 days deep into work.  For real, i feel like i could use a vacation!

"Really?  A vacation you lazy basterd?  You were literally just unemployed for a little over 3 years, and now after working for only a few weeks you think you are owed a VACATION??? Who the hell do you think you are?"

Well i could be a Republican congressman!  Because with all of the horrific stuff going on in the world they've done a great job of passing zero laws and getting nothing done but trying to repeal Obamacare and trying to sue the President because they're a bunch of loser cry baby racist aholes who openly don't care about the values of the American public.  i'd be perfect for that job!
Except no, not really.  Because i actually do care about my country and i would never want to just hurt the American people because i didn't like our black President.  Unfortunately our congress doesn't feel that way though, nor do they even pretend to give a f*ck about doing nothing for the American people as they start their 3 month vacation.  It's pathetic that people let them get away with this and for real i sometimes think there is no hope.  None!

But i'm too tired to get pissed off about all of that nonsense right now.  i mean i'm excited because it's still the summer and that i love my job so i gots that going for me.  But instead of sitting and wondering why SO MANY PEOPLE are fine with Congress getting nothing done and then reelecting the same a$$holes over and over again i'd rather look at the two guys below and wonder whether or not that is an ACTUAL picture of the real Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro...
But again, despite how tired i am and how easy it would be to just take the summer off from writing my blog, it's because of the love i have for my country and the love of my readers that i will not be taking an obnoxiously long vacation like the f*ck heads you red states elected.  i'm going to continue to bring you raw and somewhat original content every Tuesday and Friday, because i BLEED Red White and Blue out of my a$$!  Most of it is because i suffer from a rare disease that makes me $hit like that after eating White Castle.  But the other part of it is because i love America!  U S and A!

RANDOM NONSENSE

- So the thing i like most about all of the "Coke" memes on the interwebs is that i can copy and paste them all on my blog and then reap the benefits of laughter that i have nothing to do with.  It kills two birds with one stone, with one bird being laziness and the other bird being me writing a funny comedy blog.  And yes i'm sure you noticed i didn't use the words "original"comedy blog.  But yeah anyways enjoy these!
Not bad but we can do better!
Well played internet.  What's the finale?
ANNNNNNNNNND scene!

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  "The La La Lands"    For real, that one is GENIUS!

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - Never, EVER ask a girl "Are you mad at me?"  Or let me rephrase that, you should only ask a girl that if you never want to sleep with her ever.  Girls HATE insecurity more then anything.  And guys, you want to know the real reason why girls date a$$holes? Guys always think it's because they treat the girls like $hit, which is only true in the case of Italian girls.  But girls date a$$holes because those guys are mad confident, and confidence is sexy.   So again, never, EVER, ask a girl "Are you mad at me?"  Or ignore what i'm telling you and go ahead and ask her that, i just hope that when she hates you and you end up alone last weekend pleasuring yourself in the shower crying in loneliness like this other Mexican/Domincan guy i know who has somewhat the same build as myself that you won't blame me!

And no i'm not talking about me jerks, the guy i'm talking about is named "Manuel" Jose and he DEFINITELY does not have a new job and/or write a blog...

Fast Food Tips - So i had to try it, and i literally made a trip at 1 am on a Monday night to go to the late night Wendy's drive thru by me and hook up one of those "Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburgers."  And i have to say it was the MONEY.  The burger actually had a decent flavor, the cheddar and bacon with the onions and lettuce tasted sensational, and the pretzel bun was a nice warm soft pretzel that made the burger taste fantastic.  i enjoyed every second of that medium combo that i ate, but what i did not enjoy was after i was done i went into the bathroom and put my finger down my throat and puked it all up like a bulimic.  i did that because A. i didn't want to try and go to sleep with that hugemongous meal inside me and i knew if i puked i'd feel better and B. i'm a maniac with awful eating habits and the fattest bulimic of all time.

Either way, this burger is great and since it's for a limited time only you should probably go get one the way i did.  Just don't let it end up the same way!  And yes i know you want to get the Pretzel Chicken Pub sandwich instead but don't do it, the Pretzel burger is better i promise.
And that's it for me today kids!  My bed is calling my name, and who am i to argue with my bed?  No one that's who, so i'm gonna go hit that $hit harder then Bones Jones is gonna hit Cormier.   And regardless of whether you are cool enough to get that reference i hope you all have a great week and i'll cya back here on Friday with an all new blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter


2 comments:

  1. Cormier is gonna beat Jones.
    JJ

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeez I skip a few blogs and you go nuts. Fight Club references, The State, beer pong video games, the kate upton pics I asked for, and a new bit C’mon Jewell!! (I thought that was C’mon Jews at first. Yeah, too easy). That’ll learn me to fall off for a few days. What can I say, some of us are training for the nationals. You know, 2015 Lat Raise WORLD RECORD CHAMPIONSHIP, not to mention my new workout program is coming out. Never mind…

    I asked my girl if she was mad at me once. You know what she said? “meh meh meh meh meh meh meh”

    Listen, kate is great. But adolf lats is where it’s at, don’t ya think:

    http://www.meh.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/meh.ro4486.jpg

    ReplyDelete