Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Everyone on the Internet... they're not having as great a time as you think they are. - Fred Armisen "Portlandia"


THE NO OLYMPICS IN PORTLAND BLOG

What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's up, how did the weekend end so gddamn fast? And how is it TUESDAY already???  Why is my life flying by so quickly??  What the hell is happening everyone?!?!?
i'll tell you what's happening kids... i don't have a gddamn CLUE on what's happening!  i mean i do my best to try and figure out "life" and understand what it could possibly be all about.  And i know i'll never actually get those answers, but i also know it's the search for those answers that makes me a better person.  And i guess i keep searching for them because i'm always trying to decide on what i TRULY believe in in this world, and with all of the new information that enters my dome piece each day what i believe in seems to constantly be changing...
But those kinds of thoughts are best left for when i have the energy to get into them, and i just don't have it in me today.  To be honest i started writing a longer rant about not believing in organized religion, and questioning whether or not i believe in a"God" or not, and the entire thing was just getting a little out of control.  And don't get me wrong, i saved everything i wrote and plan to put it out on a rant eventually.  i'm just not going to do it today, because i'd rather talk about one of the funniest people on the planet, Fred Armisen.  Do any of you know who he is?  You may have seen him on "SNL" or "Portlandia" which is my favorite sketch show.  But going forward you can also see him on the new "Late Night" with Seth Myers as the new band leader!
And that's just awesome, because the more projects that i can see Fred in just makes me happier.  He literally makes me laugh EVERY time i see him on television, and the kind of comedy he does is so my style that i cannot believe he is as popular as he his.  Mostly because i think my comedy is better then most of America's.  No joke, i believe my sense of humor is way more advanced then most people and i truly believe that.  Not just because i think i'm smarter or anything, but because i've studied comedy my whole life and it's just taken me to another level.  To me it's the same thing as a person who has been cooking their entire life and has a better appreciation for food, or how a wine enthusiast has the ability to pick out fine wine instead of someone like me who buys whatever cheap red wine is on sale.  Like them i believe my sense of humor is at a peak that most people will never get to, and i believe that because shows like "2 and a Half Men" are not only popular but one of the highest rated sitcoms around.

But the fact that "Portlandia" is coming back to IFC on February 27th for at least 2 more seasons is heaven to me, and it makes me feel good about the human race that other people find this show funny as well.  i know most of you probably haven't even heard about it, but if you haven't you know about it now because of me so you're welcome!  And just to brag about it in my blog there is an event in NYC next week where Fred and Carrie will be talking about and answering questions about their show live and in person and i got tickets and i'm going to be there!  So is it just me or does 2014 kick f'n a$$ so far!!!  It's just me?  Oh well, i'm enjoying it.  On to the nonsense!!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-Before i go any further, have any of you even seen a clip from the show "Portlandia?'  If you haven't then you  need to pop your Armisen cherry already, so check out this short clip which is one of my favorite bits the show has ever done.  Spoiler Alert!!!!

- Season DOS of VHS BREAKDOWN is coming soon kids, so i hope everyone is buckled the f*ck up!  i think the movies we are picking are bigger and even more popular then the ones from last season so hopefully we can make this season even funnier.  We also made our actual set look better, and the new look of the show is something i can't wait for everyone to see!  But if you aren't on it already you should probably jump on this VHS BREAKDOWN bandwagon now because the new season is coming soon to Blip.tv!

A Great Name for a Punk Band! - "Right as Rain"

No on that one?  Alright fine, for once i might agree with you.  But i think the right band could make that work.

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - So i'm trying to get into the Olympics but i gotta admit, i really just don't care.  "Whoo hoo Olympics!  A million different sports that i would never watch ever unless it was the Olympics!"  And i don't think it makes you unpatriotic to watch the Olympics either.  Really?  i' not a good American because i don't root for these kids that give up their ENTIRE childhood to train all their lives for a sport that lasts 20 seconds and then they disappear into obscurity, forgotten all about by the country that once loved them?  Well i guess i'm a bad American then, and for once it's not just because i'm a Mexican.  The only sport i do dig though are the women's sports. Some of these ladies are huge brutes that look like me in a wig but with smaller boobs. But OTHERS have these super tight and fit bodies that definitely make me light my own Olympic torch.  Go Brazil!

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE DOS- So i guess you can't really say the word "faggot" anymore.  Apparently that is a super bad word and a racial slur, which sucks because as a guy you're pretty used to calling your closest friends faggots all the time.  And we don't use it out of hatred for gays, we use it out of hatred for our friends.  But hey, i get it. Those queers are mad sensitive so we can't use faggot anymore.  Wait, we can't use "queers" either? Gddamn it what can we still say?  Whatever, i'll stop using the word faggot and maybe i'll stop using queer too, but i won't stop saying things are "gay" if they are gay. Like for example, "Hey buddy, that shirt you are wearing is the gayest thing i've ever seen!" or even, "Dude if you just saw that Brazil pic before and your penis didn't start crying tears of semen then you are so gay!"  So yeah i'll never stop using that.  Because honestly, you can't have every word in the English language gays!

"Facebook Etiquette"-

Fast Food Tips - Trying to capitalize on fat broke people, which is a growing audience both literally and figuratively, Burger King has introduced their new "Rodeo Sandwiches" in both crispy chicken and burger form.  And apparently what makes them "Rodeo" is having onion rings and BBQ sauce on them.  Oh really BK?  Onion rings and BBQ sauce??  You're right, i feel like i'm at a gddamn rodeo! Watch me ride this bull and lasso up some horses, yee haw i'm a real life f*cking cowboy at a rodeo!  Or maybe not, maybe all i have is 5 beans on me so i'm going to get 2 of each sandwich and that's it because of tax.  And for a dollar can i really complain?  i don't think so.  But let's relax with the gddamn cowboy talk Gary Cooper because you are no Roy Rogers.  Yippee Kai yay Mr. Falcon! 
And that's it for me today kids!  To be honest i'm not feeling too great at the moment, so if today's blog is a little "off" then i'm going to blame it on that.  My head is just mad cloudy, and it was a little tougher to get the funny out of it today.  But hopefully i made you laugh at least 10 times because then i will feel better.

But have a great week, and don't forget to come back for my Valentine's Day spectacular blog on Friday!  Which is just a normal Friday blog with some Valentines jokes in it.  But it'll be up on Friday so i'll see you all back here then!!

Cya! And follow @migueljose_85 on Twitter

1 comment:

  1. Right as Rain is an Adele song.
    JJ

    ReplyDelete