Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Everybody seeks happiness. Not me, though. That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me. I demand euphoria! - Calvin "Calvin and Hobbes"

THE BLOG WHERE I ENJOY A SNOW DAY

What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's up, today is a gddamn snow day!!!  Well at least it is if you are a teacher or work in a school, or are still in high school and/or grade school and/or you are unemployed.  If you're lucky to be any of those then right now you are all cozy and warm in your home, sipping hot chocolate and looking outside your window into a winter wonderland!  Unless of course you had to go out and shovel the walkway, in which case you are cold and wet and miserable and would actually rather be at work then shoveling snow...
Ugh, i f'n HATE shoveling snow.  And no, it's not just because it means i have to get off of my lazy a$$ for once and do something.  It's because i just really hate the snow.  It's cold, you end up soaking wet and freezing all day, and the entire time you're shoveling you are just watching all of the work you just did disappear in front of your eyes as that white douchey substance keeps falling to the ground and making all of the shoveling you just did irrelevant.  Although i guess in the scheme of things the work isn't that hard. i mean it's not like i'd rather be guarding the walls of Helms deep!  Sorry, the new "Hobbit" movie has me geeking out at the moment because i can't wait to see it!
And driving in the snow is even worse.  People can't even drive when it's raining, so when it's snowing they drive like Ray Charles using a stick shift after taking a few hits from Heroin.  And i saw the movie "Ray," don't tell me that legend didn't have a problem using H!  Although he did transcend music and create an entirely new genre as well as produce some of the best music of our time decade after decade.  And if a musical blind genius like Ray Charles wants to do heroin and take a drive in his stick shift car then i say let him do it! All of the other aholes out on the road don't drive much better when it's snowing anyways.
But to those of you who love the snow and are lucky enough to stay home on this snow day today well then enjoy it as much as you can.  Every single night you go to bed and there's even the slightest possibility of snow you always go to sleep dreaming and hoping you wake up to a snow day, and today it happened!  So love every second of it, even if you do nothing except stay in your pajamas all day.

And if you work a regular job that makes you drive to it in this nonsense then it sucks to be you.  But at least you have this comedy blog to warm you up with some laughs at your cubicle, hopefully that counts for something!  Oh wait, it doesn't?  Oh well, then get back to work ya jerks!!  i've got some snow to play in!!!
RANDOM NONSENSE

-So has everyone noticed that i've been a little "off" lately on this blog?  Hopefully not, because i try to not let my personal life get in the way of my comedy writing. But sometimes it is just TOUGH my friends, especially when i have so much stuff on my mind grapes that i can barely lift my head to think let alone try to write comedy.  Anyways, i think things are getting back to normal now so hopefully i will have more stories about me doing funnels and shotguns and power hours and then ending my night by eating late night White Castle and then puking and deucing myself so bad that they need to take me to the hospital and hook me up with IV's until i get some life saving fluids back into my system.

But thanks for sticking with me through it, and for real let me get to the ha ha's already!!
-So like any decent human being i support gay rights, and i for one couldn't be happier to see all the rapid progress that their cause has achieved even in just these last few years.  i think it's absurd that gay marriage is not recognized in every state in America yet, and it's a disgrace that there are even less LGBT laws protecting gay people in the work place.  Being Gay is obviously how you are born and not a "choice," and it's about time everyone realized this and started acting that way.

That being said, toys like these for little kids can't help.  And i'm not saying it's a bad thing if you're a parent and you WANT your kid to be gay, i'm just saying there has to be more subtle ways then getting them toys like this...
-To any of you who have watched the first season of "VHS Breakdown" (and that should be ALL of you) i need your help.  We are planning on doing another eight 80's movies for this second season, and while we almost have all of our titles picked out we still need one, maybe two more movies to review.  And that's where you come in!  If you have any suggestions for movies we should review please either comment here on this blog, comment on my Facebook page, or sent me a tweet at @migueljose_85.  Tweets are my favorite, so if you follow me and tweet me a suggestion i'll definitely look at those first.  But either way, please give us some ideas on what movies to do because even though i'm super funny and sexy i'm not always the smartest!!
-Oh and speaking of comments, my "#1 fan" and the loneliest and most miserable housewife i know is back to stalking my blog and Facebook page again.  If you want to get in on the fun check out the "comments" section on my last blog, please feel free to let the little lady know how you feel about her psychotic behavior.  i don't normally respond to her comments because she never says anything original, and overall i just think she's ridiculously pathetic on how obsessed with me she really is.  But i felt like getting into it on my last blog and if you want to read what she wrote and join in on the fun please go check out my last blogs comment section now!!
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE- i can't f'n STAND when people call me up on the phone and just go "Hey it's me!", and expect me to know who it is.  Really? Is it really you? Because i was just thinking how much i f*cking HATE you.  Not that i know who you are, because if you noticed it is not the future and i can't see you over the phone.  "You can if you use Facetalk on the Iphone!"  Stop ruining my jokes f*ckers!

But yeah just the fact that you are pretentious enough to think i'll recognize the sound of your voice makes you a real ahole.  Do you know how many people call me at work?  About 2 million a day, so no, i do not know who you are stranger on the other line that i cannot see.  And yes, please tell mom i will be home for dinner on Sunday and that i love you both.

Fast Food Tips - i'm pretty sure i've posted this before, and by pretty sure i mean i've definitely posted this before.  But most of you have a worse memory then i do, and since it's cold and miserable outside i figured today would be a good day to post some of the items off of Starbucks "secret" menu.  If you don't know about this already then you are missing out on some of the best drinks Starbucks has to offer, and in this wintry blizzard this is the perfect time to try them. i highly suggest the "Captain Crunch!"  
And that's it for me today kids.  i hope you're all safe at home right now but if not buck up, get through this awful work day and hopefully at least all the roads will be plowed by the time you go home.  But have a great rest of the week and make sure you let me know some movies i need to do for VHS Breakdown in the comments sections or on Twitter!

Cya Friday!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter

1 comment:

  1. oh anonymous poster... christmas is coming. You know, the most depressing time of the year for some people. You must be reaching out for any sort of connection and human contact you can get. But don't let us stop you, go a head and swallow those pills. Take the whole bottle, you don't want them to think you're just 'crying out for help.' Be a burden to your family and friends no longer! Go to the light, anonymous poster, go to the light!

    ReplyDelete