Friday, June 28, 2013

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested. - Hunter S Thompson


THE BLOG TO START THE SUMMER!
What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's up, it's the gddamn start of summer!  i mean yeah some people might tell you that it actually starts on June 21st.  But if you are a teacher or any of the high school girls that i was talking to at "The Rink" in Bergenfield last weekend, your summer doesn't start until school is officially over.  And that is now!
"But miguel, didn't the Rink close down forever ago?  You're totally lying that you were there!"  Yes that is true, but by distracting you with a nostalgic place like "the Rink" in Bergenfield you have completely overlooked the fact that i was hanging out with high school girls so my job is done.  Man it's fun being smarter then everyone!

But even if you're not a genius like me, the summer is still here for all of you!  Unless of course you work some boring corporate job that makes you dress in "business" attire at work even though all you do is talk on the phone and you never see clients.  God forbid you wore comfortable clothes while you were doing the $hittiest job imaginable, let's make sure that dress shirt is tucked in and those girls sandals are approved by your manager.  Because never forget, if you dress and look proper maybe no one will notice what an awful worker you are and just an overall jerkoff to be around!

But i'm glad the summer is here.  Not as glad as most of the girls i know, most girls i know complain about the cold once the temperature "drops" to 69 degrees.  69!! HAHAHAHA!  Shut up.
But i'm definitely starting my summer off right this year.  Besides already completing the best camping trip in over a decade, i'm leaving today (yesterday) for Cape Cod Mass with my family and girlfriend to go party at the beach.  And yes i know it says there are supposed to be thunderstorms every single day, but they said that for Wednesday and Thursday too!  And it's been hot and humid as hell and there has been ZERO storms.  Well so far anyways, i'm writing this around noon on Thursday (yesterday).

But whatever, even if it does rain there's a million things to do still, like boozing and eating my face off.  Plus i'm definitely going to do the Cape Cod brewery tour, as well as the potato chip factory tour.  And i call them "tours' but they each take like 2 minutes to complete as there is no actual "tour."  Although at the brewery they give you like 6 different beers and tell you all about them and their flavors and stuff and only psychos like Jim Kohl care about that type of information.  i'm always just looking at them while they explain stuff and say things like, "Oh really?  How interesting!"  And then i pound each beer with my only goal in mind being to get drunk.
But when you think about it that's what everyone's goal for the summer should be.  Just like the quote i used today make sure you have fun these few months before fall.  Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.  Now as far as myself i'm already in love, but i have ZERO problems doing the rest of those things.  Although maybe i'll do vodka instead of whiskey because my vagina hurts haha.

But to the rest of you have a great start to your summer.  i'm taking next week off from both my blog and also from "VHS Breakdown" so i hope you kids don't miss me too much.  Although while i'm gone please help spread the word of this blog if you can, and DEFINITELY share my show with as many people as possible.  Because if i'm ever going to make it big and famous i'm going to need all of your help.  "Well you're already big you fat F but we'll do our best to make you famous as well!"  Thanks so much!  And go F yourself!!

RANDOM NONSENSE

-So did everyone go subscribe to my VHS Breakdown Youtube channel yet??  If you like one or even all three of our episodes please go do so and i'll be your best friend!  Although to be honest i'm a $hitty best friend who will yell at you during beer pong and call you garbage in front of everyone if i lose.  Oh and i'm a bully.  But seriously kids, i'm super proud of our show.  And the fact that we started it with a "William Zabka trilogy" is the funniest thing to me EVER.  We've been the hugest fan of that guy since the 80's so it's an honor to pay such homage to him!!
Oh and just in case you haven't seen episode 3 yet, go check it out now!!

"Hey a$$hole can you stop promoting your dumb show for two seconds and work on making yoru blog funnier?  Is that possible?" It's possible but it's not going to happen so suck a d!ck buddy.

-If you're a $hitty parent, would you really care if DYFUS came and took your children away?  i feel like if you were an awful parent that would seem like heaven to you.  "Wait, so you're telling me that if i continue to abuse and neglect my children and just do whatever i want that the government will actually send people to come take my bratty ahole kids... and they'll do it for free?  i dont' get it, what's the catch?  There is none?? Where do i sign up?!?!  And the worse i treat them the quicker you'll get these monsters out of here?  i'll see you in an hour!  Thank you for doing God's work!!"

And if you can't tell the answer is no, i don't have kids of my own.

-Jay John posted this on the Here Comes the Money Facebook page this week so hopefully most of you saw it.  Oh and if you haven't you should go "like" our page because JJ makes it hilarous as hell.  Super ruthless but motherf*cking entertaining i'll give him that!  But as happy as i am that DOMA got reversed i'm too tired and lazy to write a whole bit on it so this is all you get.


-Speaking of gay, has anyone else noticed how EXTREMELY HOMOSEXUAL my blog has been lately?  "Lately??"  Shut up.  But for real, between gay camping trips with my friends and nonstop shirtless Zabka pictures some of you must be wondering if i'm a fan of riding the bologna pony.  And the answer is no, that time has passed.  i mean it was never, that time was never!!  But to all of the straight guys and lesbians who read my blog, here are some pictures that everyone will enjoy from the Facebook page, "Fap Nation" that is sure to get you ready for Summer!

And might i add... BooooooooooooooWHIP!

mIGUEL'S MONEY MOVIE REVIEW!!  So hey did everyone see the "Superman" movie this summer?  i heard it was just okay and not that great, although they say the new "suit" he wears is the best one ever!
 Okay that's enough i think :)  And yes Jewell i know that's my worst review yet.  Or is the best...

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE- Does everyone else agree that trail mix would be the f'n money if it wasn't for all those stupid Raisins? Jeebus Christmas all i want is some peanuts and chocolate and goodness but all i taste are dumb a$$ nature's candy.  Enough already trail mix!  If you want to throw in some raisins just to keep your treat a little "healthy," even though anyone who reads the nutrition label on the back knows they are really not that good for you at all then so be it.  But this 90% ratio of raisins to goodness in trail mix is just garbage, plus when i'm done picking out all of them i'm left sitting next to what looks like a huge pile of rabbit turds.

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE DOS- Does anyone else ever watch a movie or T.V. show and see a courtroom scene and always think the same thing as me, and that is "Holy $hitballs i would be the worst guy EVER on the witness stand in a courtroom!"  For real, i can't remember people's names that i just met two seconds ago!  Now i'm supposed to remember what i did some random Saturday night 6 months ago when i was totally $hitfaced?  i mean hopefully i'm never in this situation, although i am a minority so the chances of me being in a courtroom in my life are between definitely and 100 percent.

But anyways, i for real have the WORST memory, i would seem like the biggest liar ever!  "Um Mr. Jose, can you tell me where you were the night of the crime?"  Um.... no?  "Well then, can you tell us where you were last evening?" Um.... no?  My house probably?  Or maybe at my parents, i don't know.  What day is this?  i don't know where i am!!!   "Mr Jose, can you PLEASE tell us what you had for lunch today?  And remember, YOU ARE UNDER OATH!" Um...food?  NO! i'm lying!  i only had beers!!  Or maybe i blazed too, i don't remember!  i'm not on trial, this whole system is on trial!!  i can't handle the truth!!!  "As you can see this witness is clearly a liar.  I rest my case your honor.  Oh wait, and he's a dirty spic!"  Cased Closed.

Shows you SHOULD be watching! i know that everyone can't wait until the last season of "Breaking Bad" starts on August 11th.  But just as important as that is the final season of "Dexter" which starts airing this Sunday night!!

And i have to say it, i just had my own Dexter season 7 marathon and holy S that is almost the best season.  "Of course not, season 4 with John Lithgow is the best one!"  Well buckle your britches bitches because i don't agree with everyone who thinks that which is everyone.  i rank my top 3 seasons as season 2 as the best, season 7 as the second best and season 4 as the THIRD best.  Oh i f'n said it, and you can f'n SUCK it!  But the point isn't to be mad that i know good television better then you so my rankings are right.  The point is if you disagree with me at least you have seen all of the seasons and are a good person.  The rest of you need to get on this show already because the last and probably craziest season is about to start on Sunday!!!

And that's it for me kids.  Jeebus Christmas that's a solid blog, but it's the least i can do since i'm going to leave you for a week.  But yeah i hope everyone has a fantastic July 4th holiday, and if you want to make me the happiest guy ever keep spreading the miguel jose word and get my blog and my show out there.  It'd be crazy if i ever had anything come out of all of my nonsense, but this world is a crazy place and if gays can now be married legally everywhere then hey anything is possible!

Have a great week and i'll see you again when i get back on Tuesday, July 8th!!   @migueljose_85


2 comments:

  1. what the hell?!?!?! a week off!!! seriously?!?!?! you should prepare blogs ahead of time and either post them from where you are or have Jay John post them for you...this is not acceptable...I look forward to these two blogs every week!

    have a nice vacation =)

    -Stef =)

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  2. you know @WilliamZabka is on twitter, and actively posts, right? tweet him your show!

    ReplyDelete