|Nice catch phrase! You racist and pathetic excuse for human|
What is up kids?
How's everyone feeling today? Hopefully you're all doing money, i mean it's Friday for crying out loud! Plus the Superbowl is this Sunday which means if you are smart you took off Monday so you could recover from all of the eating and boozing and blazing you're doing to do all day. "But miguel, i don't even care about the Superbowl! i only watch for the commercials and to see Beyonce at halftime!" You don't have to tell me that every girl reading my blog, i know how you feel about this sport. But the Superbowl has nothing to do with the "game", it has to do with America creating yet another cultural event that allows us to eat our faces off and not feel bad about it at all because it's a "holiday"!
But this blog isn't going to be more boring talk about the Superbowl and dumb things like who i want to win or how many many box pools i am in. And i'm definitely not going to talk about the $hitty numbers i got in that one box pool because i agreed to do a pool with my shady "friend" Tommy who didn't even let me pick my own boxes, and how he and all of the meatheads that he works with "surprisingly" get all of the good numbers and he leaves me with nothing. But i don't blame him for that, i'm the one who trusted that sweaty Italian meatball. i blame myself.
Anyways, i'd rather talk about this firing of an Applebees employee, an employee that got fired for what i think is a total bull$hit reason. Although before we get into what happened, does anyone remember what i've said before about how i feel about Applebees? If you don't recall there was a time that i wrote about it being a fine establishment, where "America" can come together and have a great meal! No wait, that's not what i said. i believe i wrote about them in an old "Fast Food Tips". What did i say again?
Fast Food Tips- Alright this place isn't really "fast food" but it must be said, Applebees f'n sux BALLS. Never, EVER go there. It tries to be a ghetto'er TGIFriday's but the only thing they got right is the ghetto part. First of all, there are only like 6 items on the menu. And those items are all HORRIBLE. If i wanted a microwave dinner i would have gone to Shop rite and bought one and made it myself. Plus if i did cook it myself i wouldn't be relying on some white trash guy in the back being the one to hit start and stop. The only thing i will say is their new "stuffed meatballs" dish is amazing! As long as by "amazing" you mean you like your meatballs stuffed with air and awful meat and no cheese. If you actually wanted them stuffed with anything good then i guess no, they are not amazing...
Oh now i remember. Applebees is the worst chain restaurant ever by far, and only people who like disgusting food and a$$holes would ever eat there. Speaking of the latter, there was an incident recently where a pastor named Alois Bell received her bill, which showed an included tip of 18% (which is automatic when there is a party of 8 or more.) Restaurants do this because if a waiter has to wait on 8 or more people it'd be a real bull$hit thing if that party declined to tip the waiter. So instead, restaurants make it mandatory that you have to tip at least that amount. And just to prove the point that restaurants need to do this because most people are cheap, inconsiderate f*cks, this is how Miss Alois decided to pay her check...
That's right, Pastor Alois Bell gives "God" 10%. So why would this waitress, who needs this job for a living and just served your party of TWENTY f'n people an entire meal deserve any sort of tip?? Especially from some Pastor who probably has zero problems asking for "donations" from her church members every week. So yeah Pastor Bell ignored the "mandatory" tip and instead gave her waitress nothing. Hearing about this bull$hit really heats me up!!! And apparently the waitresses friend was heated up as well, because another waitress named Chelsea Welch who worked with the woman posted a picture of this bill on Reddit to show the world how wrongly her friend had been cheated. The perfect revenge, right?
Not so fast. When Pastor Alois found out that her receipt was posted online she called and complained to the manager at that hell hole saying "it was a lapse in my character and judgement. My heart is really broken, i brought embarrassment to my church and ministry." Um, no f*cking $hit lady!! You ate a meal and had your drinks and you didn't tip $hit you cheap b!tch! And don't tell me it was a "lapse" and now you feel embarrassed. You don't feel bad about this at all, you only feel bad about getting caught! And then you go and complain and ask that the girl get fired?? That's really awesome, because not only are you a miserable person who totally screwed this waitress out of a tip, then when you go and get called out for being the worst and rightfully so you go and get that waitress fired. What kind of person are you?? What kind of human would ever do that to someone else?? Not someone who is a person of God, i'll tell you that much. i don't care if you're a Pastor or just a miserable pathetic employee at some awful job. If you get someone fired you're a piece of $hit and the lowest form of scum on the Earth. And trust me, God does NOT look kindly on you.
But if there is any good to come out of this story it's that Chelsea Welch doesn't have to work in that God awful soul wrenching $hithole anymore. i'm guessing it wasn't in her life plans to get fired for this, but like Steve Jobs said in that quote above (see how i tie that back in? i'm an incredible writer!), sometimes getting fired can be the right thing for yourself. Especially when you work in a place like Applebees, which is overly expensive for no reason and where most of the people that work there are completely unhappy. So don't worry Chelsea! When you wake up on Monday morning and your first thought is how you would do ANYTHING other then have to go into work that day... you don't have too! And you'll get unemployment checks!! And now you are free to go and do something better!!! Isn't that the best feeling ever?!?!!?!
Yes. Yes it is.
-So if i have to choose who wins the Superbowl i guess i'm going to root for the 49ers. Not so much because i'm a fan of San Fran, because as a NY Giants fan i hate the niners and will never root for them ever. But even with the Giants winning two Superbowls in the last 5 years, i will never forget the year when they lost to the Ravens in 2000. i'm not a big gambler anymore, and that game is a big reason why. i lost a TON of duckets on that game, and it is easily the most money i have ever lost betting in one day. Unlike most days in my life i can remember that one like it was yesterday. i remember being at my friends parents house in their basement, me slamming my blue Giants hat on their white carpet screaming "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME GOD??!?!? WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS MURDERER WIN THE SUPERBOWL?!?!?! THERE IS NO GOD!!!!" Which was speaking of Ray Lewis of course, a guy who somehow got away with being directly involved with a murder even though he didn't actually commit it himself. And now this Superbowl Ray Lewis is accused of taking a banned substance to get back quicker from an injury. Man, what a class act! But yeah i never forgot that feeling when the Giants lost the Superbowl, especially because i lost a ton of money and renounced God in front of my best friends' parents and family. So if i had a choice i would pick the Niners to win because i know either way this will be Ray Lewis' last game ever. And if the last thing he ever sees and feels on the field is a Superbowl loss then i will be happy with that. And hey, he got away with murder and cheating. If the worst thing that happens to him is that he ends his football career with a loss at the Superbowl he's getting off easy.
Girly Stuff! :) So someone has to say it, and i guess like JT it's gonna be me. (OMG did you hear his new single with Jay Z, it's amazing!) Anyways, what has to be said is that Scott doesn't deserve Kourtney Kardashian. i know she is mad annoying, and that she gets on him about EVERYTHING. But Scott has basically no personality, he was barely there for her when she was going through her pregnancies, he has zero muscle tone on his 8 year old boy type body, and he has no friends because no one can stand him. He doesn't even know how to be "himself", only that Lord "DisDick" character that he wishes he was so badly. Anyways, Kourtney is definitely no fun now that she's a mom, but she's still smoking hot and that guy Scott is a total tool and i can't wait till she finally leaves him! Which she won't do because she truly loves him. Oh well, at least Kim and Kris Humphries will last forever!! Wait, she's with who now??
Speaking of moms that are no fun, here's the next installment of...
HAHAHAHAHA MOMS YOU ARE SO FUNNY! Oh wait, you're not. No one cares what you do and they love their dad more anyway.
Fast Food FACTS: You would have to walk 7 hours straight to burn off a super sized coke, fries, and Big Mac. i'm lovin it! (Thanks to the Super Size Me Fast Food Facts page for the info!)
So am i rich and famous yet?? These last few blogs have been incredible! And can i tell you all a secret? i can GUARANTEE my "biggest fan" is going to read this blog and be SO heated! She is going to try and write comments even though i won't let her, and MAN is that the funniest thing to me ever! Even with me saying now that i won't put them up she will still post anyway, just because she hates me so much and can't keep her big mouth shut. We'll see though i guess, i'll let you know on Tuesday if and when i'm right.
But have a great Superbowl weekend everyone! Root for the niners and win a bunch of money if you can. i know i plan to eat so much that i have my own SuperBOWL party in the bathroom. i'll be just like Wes Welker! Except that instead of dropping game winning passes i'll be dropping deuces!
Have a great weekend everyone, see you kids on Tuesday! @migueljose_85