THE BLOG WHERE i'M SO GLAD THAT SHE'S MY LITTLE GIRL AND SHE'S SO GLAD SHE'S TELLING ALL THE WORLD
What is up kids?
So did everyone have the money weekend or what? i know i sure did, i partied it up like it was my 21st birthday! And by that i mean i took a party bus with my friends to Hoboken and tried to do 21 shots at Bahama Mamas!
Haha that story wasn't true, at least not for this past weekend. But that image had to bring back some funny memories for people my age, because taking a party bus to boken was literally the same plan that everyone had for their 21st birthday back in the day. Or at least that was the plan tyhe cool kids used to have. You guys were part of the cool crowd growing up, weren't you? i don't want a bunch of nerds and weirdo's reading my blog!
Speaking of birthdays, i'd like to take to take the time now to say a very special early happy birthday to my love, my girlfriend, and my baby, Jen, who also happens to be turning 21 tomorrow! Or at least that the age she told me she's turning. Which is odd because we actually grew up and went to the same high school together so that kinda doesn't seem to make sense to me. Although i was always terrible in math, which means i guess i'm just going to have to take her word for it that's she 21!
But as happy as i am to be with her, and as much as i know that this is the best relationship that i've ever been in in my life and know that i will definitely marry her someday ( if i'm lucky enough for her to say yes of course), you've probably noticed i don't talk about her all that much on this blog. And that's done very much on purpose, because this is a comedy blog full of nonsense and insanity! No one wants to hear about how happy and in love i am with my girlfriend! Well besides her i mean haha :)
But i have made it a conscience choice to not bring her up that much on here, and it's really just because i know that people who are single and/or in horrible relationships don't want to hear about how incredibly happy i am in mine. Because honestly, there is NOTHING worse then seeing two people who are happy and in love when you're a depressed heartbroken lonely bag of douche. i mean for real, when someone is sitting there listening to depressing love songs with a knife up against their wrists and/or jugular thinking about the person who broke their heart, as well as thinking about that person being with some other terrible human who will NEVER treat them the way that they would yet that a$$hole still gets the joy and bliss of being able to be with the object of their affection, the LAST thing that they need to see or experience is someone else's true happiness with their soul mate! Because when you're dying inside you want the entire world to be filled with darkness and evil and horrific depression! And even if you aren't bitter enough to wish that on other people, you still don't want to see anyone else be happy when you're a mess!
Which is why i've never really brought up my relationship on this blog, because i know more people are in horrible relationships then not. i mean for real, how many truly happy couples do any of you know? And i'm not talking about couples that are married and/or married with children, because just having that status CLEARLY doesn't equal happiness...
But most of us realize how borderline impossible it is to find that perfect someone, and we also realize that most of the people that try to act like they are super happy all of the time are the ones who are the most miserable. i mean show me a couple that has to post NONSTOP pictures of every "happy" second they spend together on Facebook and Instagram, and i'll show you two people that are trying to lie to everyone else including themselves! Because when you're truly happy you don't need to try and convince everyone else of that fact, you're too busy being genuinely happy to care!
And that's where i am at in my life right now. i've never been happier being with someone in my life, and once i get this money situation figured out i'm going to marry this girl and make her my wife. Hey that rhymed, i'm a poet and didnt' even realize it! But yeah once i get married then you'll REALLY never hear about her on this blog! But you're hearing about her today, because today i want to say happy birthday to the woman i love, and i'm looking forward to spending all of our birthdays together for as long as we live. And while it's true it might not be that long for me if i keep being an unhealthy non exercising jerk who posts "Fast Food Tips" twice a week on a comedy blog, at least i know that however long i last on this beautiful blue green ball that i'll be the happiest and luckiest person on the planet, because i'm in love with her and i feel fine :) Happy birthday baby!!!
- Speaking of birthdays i wasn't kidding when i said i took a party bus to Hoboken for my 21st, and i was kidding less when i said that i planned on doing 21 shots. And i say "planned" because i think i only got as far as shot #16 before i went to the bathroom and threw up all sweet 16 of those shots at a urinal. And not only that, i also got some puke on the guy who was standing next to me! And i remember looking at that guy and saying "OMG i'm SO sorry dude! It's my 21st birthday and i'm out celebrating with my friends and i really apologize for being an a$$hole and please don't kill me!!!"
And i can remember like it was yesterday when the guy who was standing there covered in my own puke looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "Don't worry about it man, things happen it's all good! i hope you're having a great time for you 21st, happy birthday buddy!!" And i'll be honest, i don't really believe in miracles. But for me to throw up on the one guy in Hoboken who not only didn't beat the f*cking $hit out of me but also said it was no problem and wished me a happy birthday, the odds of that had to be one in million! Wait, one in a million? So you're saying there's a chance!
- While we're on the subject of Hoboken, i'd like to take this time to talk about how that town has the WORST parking situation on the planet! There is NOWHERE to park in Boken, it's a MILLION times worse trying to find a spot in Hoboken then it is in New York City. And NYC is the capital of the world! That doesn't matter though, because you would still have a better chance finding a spot in the city during a Presidential visit to the U.N. during the Puerto Rican Day Parade then you would finding an open non residential parking spot in Boken.
So just so you know in the future, the ONLY chance you have of parking in Hoboken is paying the $25 beans it costs to park in a garage, which is a price i happily pay every time i visit there. i say "happily" because i'd rather pay the 25 beans to park in a garage then deal with the AGGRAVATION of driving around all of Hoboken trying to find the one mystery spot that you're actually allowed to park in that even doesn't exist. You'll waste more then $25 in gas driving around to find a spot anyway, so just park in a lot and save yourself the trouble! Or don't and enjoy the ticket and/or towing your car will definitely receive in that stupid town.
A Great Name for a Punk Band! "The Yippee Skippies"
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - i still use "old school" headphones when i listen to my Ipod. And no, it's not because i'm f*cking 57 years old. It's because i hate those stupid little pod things for you ears! i don't know if i have a misshaped head or if i just have weird ears but there's always ONE ear pod that just will not f'n stay in my ear. Or maybe it kinda stays in my ear but i can just feel it slipping out the whole time and then i focus way more on that then the music i'm listening too. Probably because i'm an insane person. But yeah the oldschool ones fit right on my dome, and i can walk or run or work out or do any of the things that i never really do in real life and those $hits will stay on my head with none problem. So f*ck those stupid little ear buds and i don't care that i look like i'm still living in the 80's with my big headphones on. At least i can hear the gddamn music and i'm not worried about those stupid ear buds falling out!
Fast Food Tips -
Fast Food Tips - Alright that wasn't a real Fast Food Tip so i guess i can give you another on even though i'm sure i've brought this up before on this blog. In fact i would guarandamntee that i've said this before! But anyways, could someone PLEASE tell me the reason why restaurants always give you styrofoam containers to bring home your leftovers? Don't they realize that all we want to do the next day is throw that $hit in a microwave so that we can get that reheated awfulness inside our tummies IMMEDIATELY? So then why would they give us our food in something that melts and ruins everything in the microwave? It's not rocket science, i'm hungry and i want to finish the rest of my dry burger and soggy fries immediately! This unmicrowavable container slows down this reheating operation considerably, plus styrofoam is extremely bad for our planet. How the hell are all of the "green" people who are so into saving the Earth allowing all of these restaurants to get away with this? Literally every process that takes place at the end of my fantastic meal is wrong!
And that's it for me today kids! And i do hope you all have a great week, but none more then my girlfriend who i hope has the best birthday ever. And hopefully you depressed fools that are alone and/or are dating/married to a rotten scumbag still enjoyed it, because i know my happiness is obnoxiously annoying. But don't hate me because i found the best girl ever, go find one of your own! Or don't, and rely on the hilarious comedy of my blog every Tuesday and Friday to brighten up your miserable life. Except for this one!