Tuesday, December 16, 2014

60% of the discretionary budget goes not to our kids, not to our elderly, not to students, not to working people, not to infrastructure, not to all of the huge unmet needs we face as a country. It goes to the military. That's why I voted no on this spending bill. - Bernie Sanders


What is up kids?

So before i get to the comedy today, i gotta get something off of my chest.  Because something happened this weekend that has me truly pissed off, and sadly i doubt that any of you know about it. 

Now i know most of you probably don't get too caught up with what our Congress is up to, either because you think they are all useless morons and/or because most of them just do whatever the highest bidders pay them to do.  But Saturday night the Senate voted for and passed a 1.1 trillion dollar spending deal that the House submitted, and it's a bill that will help the country avoid another government shutdown. Which sounds good in theory i guess, except for the fact that in this spending bill they also put in measures that helps roll back regulations on Wall Street, lets companies reduce pensions for current retirees, cuts funding for the EPA and dramatically increases how much rich people may donate to politicians.

And whether you give a f*ck about politics or not, this spending bill is something that EVERYBODY should care about.  Because these rich banker motherf*ckers who basically bankrupted this country despite making billions on those who were too poor and dumb to pay back their loans with no mercy at all, well these bankers totally got a bail out from the government despite the fact that all of their greedy dumb asses should have been put out of business and have gone to jail.  But since our country is so dependent on banks, none of them went to jail and the government bailed them out.  Although at least they were smart enough to make some new rules and laws to make sure that this wouldn't happen again...

But guess what a$$holes, in this new spending bill the Republicans put in an addition that loosened these new laws against bankers.  So now these ruthless, greedy selfish motherf*ckers can go back to the way they used to do business and put us all back at risk at going bankrupt again!  And i don't know what's crazier, the fact that they have the BALLS to put this into the spending bill, the fact that it's going to pass anyway, or the fact that NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!

And don't think i'm just blaming the Republicans for this travesty, because the Democrats who are also being paid off by these banks are voting for this bill as well.  It's only people like Senator Bernie Sanders, Senator Corey Booker from NJ, and Senator Elizabeth Warren who are coming out and screaming "BULL$HIT!" over this HORRIFIC and BLATANT attempt to let these soulless billionaires steal even more money from this country with the government's help. And why do the rest of our elected officials do nothing?  Because no one in this country pays attention, no one cares, no one votes, and no one talks about this stuff in the media.  And like torture, it's a shame that some of us think that this is acceptable behavior of the country that we all pretend to love so much.
But this bull$hit that they introduced into this spending bill (at the last minute over the weekend i might add, because no one watches the news over the weekend so it's better to do shady $hit then) has got me so f*cking furious at our government and the people who should be voting and paying attention that i had to write about it in my rant for today's blog.  Because i'm going to need you all to stop using "the system is broken"excuse to explain why you don't participate in our government.  Sitting back and telling everyone what's wrong with America and not doing anything about it is like telling me what you want to be when you grow up.  None of it means anything if you don't work for the goals you want.

So i know it's much more fun to sit on your couch and watch "Housewives" and waste time on YouTube and Facebook or even spend all day on Sunday watching football.  But how about you take some time during the week and open up your gddamn eyes and see what the f*ck is going on around you once in awhile?  Even if you don't agree with my point of view, at least you'll be paying attention to what is happening instead of being a blind sheep who is easily distracted by all of the other garbage that is meant to distract you from the things that actually matter.  Or you can just not care, and stay as ignorant as they want you to be.  It's your life.


- Alright, enough politics and actually thinking about stuff.  This is a comedy blog!  And more importantly then that, i'd like to say Happy Hanukkah to all of my of my gentile boy and girl readers on their wonderful holiday!  Mazel Tov!  Steven Spielberg!  Bagels! 
- One of my favorite things that i do is when i bite my tongue by accident.  It's so fun!  And it's a great reminder that not only am i huge f*cking fat ass who constantly eats unhealthy garbage and gets fatter by the minute, but i also can't take the time to chew food like a normal human being and instead i end up biting my tongue because apparently i'm such a lardo that food isn't enough and i have to eat my own tongue as well.  To be honest i almost enjoy the pain that i feel when biting my tongue, because if after 59 years of being on this planet i still don't know how to eat then i deserve this pain.  Mostly because i'm a worthless a$$hole and i deserve to die young.  And my name is JP, i am a robot, i have a robot vagina.  And if you've never seen the movie "Grandma's Boy," not only are you blowing it but you also got none of the references that i was just dropping.  So go watch it
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - So like any decent human being i support gay rights, and i for one couldn't be happier to see all the rapid progress that their cause has achieved even in just these last few years.  i think it's absurd that gay marriage is not recognized in every state in America yet, and it's a disgrace that there are even less LGBT laws protecting gay people in the work place.  Being Gay is obviously how you are born and not a "choice," and it's about time everyone realized this and started acting that way.

That being said, toys like these for little kids can't help.  And i'm not saying it's a bad thing if you're a parent and you WANT your kid to be gay, i'm just saying there has to be more subtle ways then getting them toys like this...
Fast Food Tips - So i've never been impressed with the Doritos Loco Taco from Taco Bell, despite that fact that this clearly the most popular item that the chain currently has, and the fact that it may have single handily helped rescue the franchise from turning into the donkey meat that they put in their Doritos.  But i don't care what America thinks, because it's not a Doritos Taco. It's a regular taco with Dorito flavoring poured all over it, and that makes a difference gddamn it!
Anyways, based on the popularity of this monstrosity with you people, T Bell now has "secret" plans to introduce a brand new "Fritos" taco which once again will probably not be a big Frito taco but instead be a regular taco with Frito flavoring.  And i'm sure i'm going to think it's ghetto and i'm sure the rest of you will love it, the same way you all watch "The Big Bang Theory" and make it the #1 show in America despite the fact that i find it UNWATCHABLE.  But lucky for you i don't decide what you do, so when the Fritos taco does finally come out i hope you get a bunch of them and eat them on your couch while watching BBT and you laugh your disgusting unfunny face off to your heart's content! Aren't i the nicest? 
And that's it for me today kids! i hope you all have a great week, only TWO more blogs left for me to put out in 2014! But i'll do my best to make them count, and by best i mean there will be two of them.  But as always they will be free and funny!

Cya on Friday with an all new blog!  @migueljose_85 on Twitter

Friday, December 12, 2014

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by Cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? - Bill Watterson


What is up kids?

You know i feel like i start off every Friday blog with a "Man am i glad it's Friday!" kind of opening these days.  But for real, MAN am i glad it's gddamn Friday!!!
And i'm DEFINITELY ready to party it up this weekend, but before i do i'm going to admit something to all of you now. i haven't bought one Christmas present for any of my friends or family or niece or nephews or even my girl.  Not a single ONE.  And i'm not saying this to brag, because it's certainly not something that i'm proud of.  i say this because i know that there are some of you out there who have already had all of your presents bought and wrapped even before Thanksgiving dinner, and i'm sure the thought of not having a single present purchased by now must be maddening to you!
And i know this probably isn't the best or most ideal way to approach Xmas shopping every year.  But whatever, this is how i do it and i always seem to manage so i don't really care.  "But that's so stupid miguel!  Waiting until the last minute and then having no time to get anything shipped and instead having to actually go inside a store when ALL of the other idiots are in the store as well,. mostly because they waited until the last minute like a moron.  And then having to deal with all of them outside while trying to park is IMPOSSIBLE, and between that and all of the traffic and the rain and cold weather that you have to deal with...  what the F are you figurin?!?!"
Yeah, yeah you have a point, because that's pretty much exactly how it is.  But can i admit another secret to all of you on this blog? i kinda like all of that madness and shopping at the last minute.  For real, it puts me in the Christmas spirit!  i actually think it's fun to try and find a spot at the mall at Xmas, and then run from store to store like a lunatic trying to find presents at the last minute.  Because first of all, there is nothing that makes me know it's Christmas more then being at a mall on Christmas Eve.  It's Christmas MAYHEM!  It's like Santa did a money shot of presents all over every store in the mall, and he fills everyone's heart with their own special Xmas creampie!
And to those of you who think everything i'm saying is just ridiculous nonsense, aren't any of you the kind of people who wait until the LAST minute for when you had to write a paper for school?  i mean yeah some of you would write a little bit every night until the assignment was done.  But the rest of us procrastinating douche bags would stay up ALL gddamn night the night before and try to write out an 8 page paper plus references, and we'd do it EVERY SINGLE TIME!  None of us would ever learn and do the write a little bit every day method like we should have, we all kept putting it off until the night before.  So now i've taken all of that fun and enjoyment and anxiety of that paper writing process and i've added some snowflakes and chestnuts to it to make my own personal Christmas shopping experience as fun as writing papers for school!  How does this not make sense to you people?!?
But yeah i know none of this makes sense to anyone, it's just my personal way of celebrating this holiday and i figured i'd share it with you.  Not so much because anyone would know what i'm talking about specifically, but because we all have our own odd little quirks and idiosyncrasies and i was in the mood to share mine today with all of you today.  i mean for real, i've already told you guys about peeing my pants every day, getting a boner for the first time and i described in detail the many hangovers i spent on all fours throwing up into the shower while i try to push my bloody puke chunks down the drain.  Why not tell you a lovely story of little miguel jose getting into the Christmas spirit in the mall parking lot with a bunch of other present buying procrastinating aholes?  Tis the season!


- So i enjoy doing "Secret Santa" gifts with people in the office, or at your school, or wherever you people are that you do Secret Santa.  But don't you find that you're always disappointed in who you end up getting?  Like you never get the fun nice person who has a lot of hobbies that would be easy to shop for.  i always end up with the shady new guy that's only been in the office for 2 weeks and who never talks and kind of seems like an a$$hole.  Because that's awesome, i'd rather get him a gift then anyone else that is my actual buddy who i have formed a friendly relationship with.  And of course my guy isn't into sports, or drinking, or ANYTHING cool that EVERY guy should be into!  But whatever, i hope you enjoy your Dunkin Donuts gift card you lame basterd, it's the only thing i could pick up on my way to work on the day we're exchanging our gifts!
- Why are those delicious crunchies in ice cream cake that everyone loves so much only used in ice cream cake?  How have they not found a way to put that $hit into EVERYTHING by now?  i mean for real, think about how amazing ice cream is.  And then realize that when you do eat ice cream cake that the ice cream is the least amazing part, and those crunchies are truly the thing that everyone wants and enjoys more then life itself!  And to be so gddamn delicious that you make ice cream second fiddle, yet you never make it into any other foods in the dessert kingdom doesn't seem to make any sense to me.  Somebody get on this... 
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - Hey people who call out "sick" from work, when you come in the next day you don't have to do that awful acting job of pretending like you're still really sick to convince us.  We didn't believe you when you called out yesterday and we certainly don't believe you today.  And trust us, no one gives a $hit anyway.  We all saw you post that Facebook status saying "At the mall for Christmas shopping!"  Or when you tagged yourself at that movie with your friend.  Or when you tweeted "What a great day to have off!"  We all know this and we all don't care, they are your sick days so do with them what you wish.  But when you come in the next day like Meryl Streep on her death bed, coughing and wheezing and having to tell EVERYONE the same story about your stomach bug and how you couldn't move and stop throwing up and how you almost went to the doctor, THAT is when we all hate you.  So just leave out the part the next day when you attempt to win that Academy award and everyone will be fine.
Fast Food Tips -  So i talked about Pizza Hut's new "Doritos crust" pizza earlier in the week and i figured if any of you tried it right away you've probably been on the toilet bowl until just about.... now.  Which means you're finally ready to hear about some even more new items from Pizza Hut!  If a Doritos crust sounds too disgusting for you, not only does that mean you are of a sane mind but you are also in luck!  Because P Hut now offers a bunch of other different "crust flavors" that you can choose from!  There's toasted Parmesan, salted pretzel, honey sriracha, fiery red pepper, toasted cheddar, toasted asiago, and garlic buttery blend.  That last one, of course, was my old nickname in seventh grade. 

But apparently Pizza H has had enough of trying to get people to think their cheese and/or toppings are any good, so why not add flavor to the crust which is everyone's least favorite part?  Makes sense to me! 
And that's it for me today kids!  i'm super hung over today from my office Christmas party last night so there might be more grammar and spelling mistakes then usual.  But give me a break, it's Friday!  And it's time to start the weekend!  So let's go exploring!

Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, "And then I got home..." - Jim Jefferies


What is up kids?

So i know i've been talking about some pretty heavy issues lately, especially on my last two blogs.  And it's hard not to considering all of the blatant injustices that have been happening in America, as well as all of the protesting and rioting and demonstrations that have been taking place all over the country, even all of the world.
And i have to say, i'm a big fan of protests and demonstrations in general.  It makes me feel good to know that people still have the motivation to get together and stand up for what they believe in.  Hell, even those maniacs in the Westboro baptist Church get a little of my respect for at least having the balls to loudly and strongly speak for what they believe in.  And i mean yeah they are all racist, ignorant douchebag homophobes who are going to hell for all of the hate they spew.  But you gotta admit they stand for what they believe in!
And you know what the biggest problem with these brain dead lunatics really is?  It's that the rest of us don't drown them out by preaching our own words of love and acceptance.  Because maybe if we were as passionate for all of the good things that we believe in like love and togetherness the way those maniacs stood together in their message of hate, then maybe we wouldn't even know who the Westboro baptist church even is.  That group of dirtbag hatemongers would be out at their corner waving all of their hate signs, but no one else would be able to see them because the 90% of society that just wants to live in peace and harmony would be outside there houses showing their good signs of faith to the point that it was all that we could see!

But no, instead the rest of us are content to let these maniacs speak their racist ignorant views as we do nothing but sit on the couch and watch the Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules marathons.  Although speaking of which, can any of you believe that Schwartz cheated on Tequila Katie? What a dirtbag!  Who does he think he is, Jax? And oh yeah b t dubs, this second season of Vanderpump might be better then the first!  Not that i watch that show...
But oh well, like a great man once said change does not occur until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change.  And it looks like after a lifetime of being able to shoot unarmed black people without ever getting in trouble for it, people aren't going to stand for it and let that stay the same any longer.  And i know a lot of you just think that these "Liberal Hippies" are doing nothing with all of their rallies and protests, but i can promise you that there will be some good that comes out of this.  Well it'll be good if you're a pure hearted decent person who believes that all of us on this planet are in this thing together.  If you're an ignorant racist who wants nothing more then to keep hating everyone and stay alone in your circle of white misery then maybe you won't think these changes are any good!  But lucky for me i don't give a f*ck what you think, so enjoy being a miserable hateful bag of douche while the rest of us will keep doing our best to try and make this world a better place! 


So i finally got to see Jim Jeffries perform stand up comedy this past Saturday night in Englewood, NJ and it was one of the most fun shows that i've ever seen in my life.  Between the fire alarm going off in the middle of his set, to him getting in a fight with the sound people who shut off his microphone when he was making fun of the building and the people in charge, to getting into fights with hecklers and calling out some ahole who was filming his show, to even getting to meet him and take a picture with him out in the lobby on our way out.  Jim Jefferies is the f*cking man and seeing him this weekend with my girl after a money dinner at Blue Moon was just the perfect night that i needed and i'm still in a good mood about it now.  Isn't it fantastic when life is the f*cking money? 
- i'd have to say the worst thing about eating healthy is the nonstop talking that the person dieting has to do about it.  Does anyone know someone who is on a diet, or who is "gluten-free" or who doesn't eat carbs?  Because i guarantee if anyone you know is on any such diet like those that you are aware of it, because none of them can just f*cking stop talking about it ever!  And trust me, i'm no better.  i've been trying to eat healthy since last Monday and literally EVERY single person that i work with is aware of this fact, mostly because i can stop running my stupid fat mouth about how i'm eating better! 
And i get why we do it, it's because the only way to eat healthy is to think and talk about eating healthy all the f'n time.  Because once you slip up you know that 1 cheat day turns into 2 or 15 days easily!  So we all think that maybe if we talk about it over and over again with everyone we know then MAYBE we won't cheat on our diet.  And maybe we'll all lose even more weight when someone gets so sick of us talking about eating healthy and then slits our stupid fat throats and we die.  Although i have heard that massive blood loss is another great way to lose weight!

 "Facebook Etiquette"-
HEY IT'S ME your facebook friend from high school who never left our hometown & thinks Olive Garden is fancy. Anyway here's a racist article

A Great Name for a Punk Band! "The Baa Baa Black Sheep"

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - So i take really long showers.  Like obnoxiously long.  i would say i easily take a 20 minute shower every day before work.  i could probably sleep an extra half hour if i just took a short 5 minute shower but instead i'd rather wake up early and shower it up until all of the hot water is gone.  idk, i guess i just feel like the longer i'm in the shower the longer it is before i have to face reality and start my day.  And normally it's not a problem when i do it at my house, but it's the worst when i'm showering at a hotel or at a friends house or something like that because i hate feeling like i'm getting judged for how long my showers are.  Mostly because if you're in the shower for more then 20 minutes people are just going to assume that i'm whacking off.  Which isn't true! 

And trust me, i know plenty of guys who whack off in the shower.  Hell, i've seen them do it!  But that just isn't and never will be my thing no matter how long i'm in there.  And it's sad, because now my friends are sitting there thinking i'm whacking my balleens off for 20 minutes straight in the shower when in reality all i'm doing is trying to scour off a night's worth of shame and regret.  And with my horrific lifestyle trust me, that can take awhile... 
Fast Food Tips - - In an effort to destroy your colon as well as spontaneously crush your soul and dreams, Pizza Hut is releasing it's brand new Doritos crust pizza which adds crumbled Doritos to the outside of your cheesy crust.  Because apparently having an entire pizza made of cheese was not enough, which is clearly the reason we all needed the crust to be filled with cheese as well.  But the idea of now adding Doritos to the outside to make this meal even more of an unhealthy disaster almost makes me angry.  i mean for real, what the f*ck Pizza Hut?  Why do you hate my toilet bowl so much?  You know he's the one who is going to suffer the most after eating this MONSTROSITY, as i cry my brown and red tears from my cheeks into the gentle blue water below.  i don't know, i know this bit is about telling you all about about the latest and greatest fast food items but i just don't feel right about this one.  It just seems wrong to me.  Oh well 
And that's it for me today kids!  i hope everyone has a great week, despite the fact i lost my fantasy league going up against Julio Jones on Monday night football.  Way to not defend him you Packer dickheads!  Although i did beat Rob with Jordy Nelson and Eddie Lacy so i guess it's just the Packer defense that is straight up garbage.

But have a great week and i'll see you all on Friday with an all new blog!  There's not that many left in 2014!!

Friday, December 5, 2014

To say Obama is progress (for black people) is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be President. That's not black progress. That's white progress. There's been black people qualified to be President for hundreds of years. - Chris Rock


What is up kids?

Well if you're a unarmed black teenager in America i'm hoping it's not your hands that are up, because that'll get you shot!  Although even if you have your hands in your pocket and/or you're wearing a hoodie i guess that might get you shot as well.  Actually now that i think about it, have these unarmed black teens ever tried just not being black?  i know it sounds crazy, but it seems like being white is the only way an unarmed black man can get through the day without being killed.  Because we all know that if you're a white teen you can walk anywhere in this country with no problem.  Hell, if you're white you can point guns at Federal agents on your ranch, and even walk into stores carrying your guns and it's just seen as an expression of your freedom of your God given rights in the Constitution! 
And before i lose every white reader that i have on this blog i should be honest, i don't know if Michael Brown had his hands up when he was shot.  And i'm not going to be like most of America who spews out all of these opinions over something when i clearly don't have all of the information and/or facts. Because i know most people just need to hear a small blurb of a news story and then all of a sudden they speak about it like they were studying the subject for years, but that's not something i'm going to do. 

Although speaking of the facts, it does seem that in America if you are white and you have guns like they did at the Bundy ranch or while walking into a Chipotle restaurant that you will be just fine.  But if you're black and you are unarmed and somebody only thinks that you have a gun then they can shoot you and not even have to go to trial over it, even if the person who shoots you is a police officer.  In fact, police officers can also put you in a choke hold for selling loose cigarettes, despite not knowing how to properly use a choke hold (which is why police officers aren't supposed to use them) and they don't have to go to trial over that either.  America, F*ck yeah!
And i know a lot of people don't want to talk about what these officers did and instead they'd rather focus on the riots that happened after they decided to not charge those officers, as well as talk about how dumb and useless it is to riot in your own hometown.  "You're damn right we do miguel!  i mean honestly, why do these idiots destroy everything?  What does that do and/or prove to anyone?  How can anyone be so stupid to riot when they should be getting together and trying to find a real solution that will help people?  Rioting does nothing!"
And you know what?  You're 100% RIGHT!  But while everyone who thinks that rioting is stupid and pointless are completely correct, they are also totally missing the point.  The people that are rioting are angry people (mostly kids) who feel that the system that many believe is racist against them has failed.  And if the system doesn't give a f*ck about unarmed black teenagers that are shot, then why would these kids give a f*ck about ANYTHING?  And i know this is a hard emotion for white people to understand, or even women for that matter because this behavior is more typical of males. 

But any guy who has gone through puberty will tell you that when we were teenagers we were all filled with serious RAGE!  i mean how could we not be?  Our bodies were changing, our hormones were all over the place, and we literally wanted to f*ck anything that moved.  That's why kids listen to such heavy music and/or such hardcore rap when they are young, it's because our hormones and testosterone get us SO F*CKING FIRED UP and we love anything that helps enhance these feelings.  So in the Ferguson situation you have all of these angry, hormonal, fired up kids in Ferguson who were mad at the racist system already, and then you have a grand jury who decides that it's not even worth it to go to a trial when one of their own was shot and killed.  And you know what?  When the grand jury decided on this these kids decided that they would respond by burning down some motherf*cking buildings!
And does that response make any sense at all?  No, no it doesn't.  Is it the stupidest thing ever to burn down buildings in your own hometown with local people and store owners that had nothing to do with this decision?  Yes, yes it is.  Just as it's stupid to riot in your town after your sports team wins a championship, but that also still happens.  But instead of arguing why doing this is so stupid when we all already know that it is, why not try to understand the anger and emotions these young kids are going though instead?  Because maybe instead of being so righteous you could try to see the world through their eyes, and then maybe you'd finally start to understand that their response with the rioting is not supposed to make sense. 

For example, have you ever walked by a table or chair and hit your foot and stubbed your toe, and then you kick or punch the table because it hurt so much?   Or have you ever been in a verbal fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and then you get so mad that you punch a wall and hurt your hand?  i'm sure a lot of you have been there before, and if not OF COURSE you can be the person who argues how stupid it is to punch a wall or kick a chair because it doesn't accomplish anything.  "OMG miguel, why would you kick a chair?  It doesn't even feel anything, that response is so stupid!"  Yeah, of course it is dummy.  We don't do that because it makes sense, we do it because we're f*cking pissed off!  So instead of being the person who doesn't get that, be the person who realizes sometimes people are so angry that they just don't give a F*CK about anything.  And when you don't give a f*ck you do stupid things like punch walls or kick chairs, or maybe you'll even burn down buildings when it's something bigger like an unarmed teenage boy who gets shot and there's no trial for it.  And again, i'm not making arguments to defend what these kids did when rioting, because what they did was stupid and f*cked up.  All i'm saying is that after you get off of your high horse of judging all these teenagers, maybe take a look around at the anger and emotions that these kids are feeling and realize that while they did not handle this situation right at all that doesn't make their anger any less justified. 
But whatever, i don't know.  These are just my opinions and i could be wrong.  But it's easy to be the person who says that Michael Brown deserved this because he robbed a store, or that the people who burned down the buildings in Ferguson are dumb aholes that only hurt their own cause, and that minorities have to stop playing the victim in this country because nobody cares.  These are all of the responses that i keep reading from people on social media, and i have to say they bore me to tears.  Because everyone commenting on that stuff are just making the easy cases, the ones that no one is arguing and are politically correct to make.  But the truth is the police have a responsibility to not use deadly force unless they have to, and cases like Michael Brown and Eric Garner bring to light the fact that maybe all police don't feel and act this way.  And besides all officers wearing cameras like i talked about in my last blog, this cop culture is the subject that we should be focusing on at this point, not all that other obvious heated rederic that gets us nowhere.  Because two people that were on this Earth are now dead because they were killed, and the question is, did they have to die?  Let me know who wants to talk about that issue in a calm and intelligent matter, because commenting on the rage and anger of people we couldn't possibly understand how they're feeling is absolute nonsense to me.  


- So earlier i brought up the Bundy ranch as well as those maniacs who bring guns into public restaurants and stores just to point out that things are CLEARLY not equal for black and white people in this country, and honesty they never really were.  And i've always thought that is common knowledge, but apparently many white people and those in the media seem to believe that since a little more then half of the country voted for Barack Obama then all of the race issues in this country are suddenly OVER.  i mean for real, people think about things like slavery and segregation as SO long ago, but the reality is that just because we have a black president and we're all able to drink from the same water fountains now that doesn't mean racism is over.
Let's be honest kids, EVERYBODY knows someone who is racist.  And if i had to bet you are probably related to them.  Actually, if i had to bet i would put money on the fact that a large percentage of the people who read this blog are at least a little racist, even if you won't admit it to others.  i mean look at me, some people would say that i'm racist against white people because i'm always making fun of how silly and ignorant and lame they are, and i talk about how all white people smell like wet dogs when they come in from the rain.  Did you all know that we thought that about you, white people?  Ask a minority, they'll gladly tell you this truth!
- So does everyone remember playing "Tetris" as a kid growing up?  For real, that was one of my favorite games ever!  It was definitely my favorite hand held game that don't involve my penis.  But yeah i would play Tetris on Gameboy all day everyday until i straight up went insane and couldn't do or think about anyone else.  No joke, i would literally play so much that EVERYTHING i looked at in real life would become shapes and i would start putting them together to make lines in my head. 
 And yes i would always try to set it up perfectly so that the long straight line would slide right into the perfectly shaped slot to make a Tetris.  Although describing the game like that makes me want to play that other hand held game i was talking about earlier...
- Has anyone ever heard the phrase "i'm going to go HAM all over you!"  Personally i think i may have heard it before but i guess i never realized what it meant.  Apparently it means "hard as a motherf*cker," which to me is straight silly because if i planned on going hard i would not use a deli meat to describe the emotions that i was feeling.  In fact, i think people who use that saying are full of bologna! And i'm not scared to say that either, because i'm not a chicken you're a turkey!  But yeah my point is that saying is horrible.  Salami.

A Great Name for a Punk Band!  "The Riff Raffs" 

Fast Food Tips - It's been 40 LONG years but after a 4 decade hiatus Burger King is FINALLY bringing back it's Yumbo sandwich!  And if you don't remember what that is you are just like me and 95% of the rest of the country so i guess i'll stop the suspense and let you know what it is now.  Apparently it's just a ham and cheese sandwich, and for some reason BK thinks it'll be a nostalgic and decided it'd be a great idea to bring this back now.  Which is funny because i can't imagine who in their right mind would eat a ham and cheese sandwich from Burger King, although if people are dumb enough to eat those garbage sandwiches from Subway i guess they are down to eat sandwiches from anywhere.
This Yumbo sandwich will also be on BK's "2 for $5 menu" which means if you want to make an awful decision twice with one order you can feel free to do so.  And to anyone living in New Jersey we literally have the best deli's on the planet, so why anyone would eat a sandwich from BK, Subway, or any other "chain" restaurant when you could get the best stuff ever from a Jersey deli is beyond me.  But the rest of the country isn't as lucky as us, which is why i'm sure those deprived people in the Midwest just can't wait to eat a BK ham and cheese sammich! 
And that's it for me today kids!  Man, who would have thought i would start off one blog this week about an unarmed black teenager being shot and the police officer not having to go to trial over it and end my second blog with ANOTHER unarmed black person who was killed by a cop who also doesn't have to go to trial.  What are the odds?  Maybe next week i'll write my first blog about winning the lottery and then by Friday i'll win it again!
But i hope everyone has a great weekend, despite all the horrificness that's going on in Team America these days.  Never forget that no matter how dark and awful the world may seem that YOU have the ability to make your own happiness.  Every day on this planet is a gift, and you can get bogged down in thinking of all of the horrors that go on.  Or instead you can remember how lucky you are to be alive, and have a drink or two or eleven with friends or loved ones.  Because no matter what is going on right now in the world, it's still the start of the weekend and i'm about to go HAM all over this bitch!

Cya Tuesday, @migueljose_85 on Twitter